rest in peace.
It is so difficult, being here, in this country. I know, I'm not alone here and I have some amazing friends and of course my boyfriend. But as long as I'm not around family, it really sucks. Not because I'm ill, but because my grandfather recently passed away. We where very close, I used to call him and we would talk on the phone for an hour or more. He was one of the few people I wasnt scared to share everything with, he knew everything and he talked to me more like a friend, then a grandaughter and I miss him so much and its extremly hard writing this now. I feel like I need to write this, I can even feel it helping, kinda. We used to joke about how we were both in the hospital, laughing at the fact that we both have and had Cancer, how crazy is that, I guess its a way of dealing with everything that was going on.
I have loads of good memories with him, and I think maybe ill keep them for myself for now. Until I'm more ready to talk about it. I know he was in a lot of pain and it's sad to say, but this is hopefully better for him.
Sadly, I wont be able to attend the funarel, something I feel like I need. He knows, and he didnt want me risking travling by airport, he wanted me to get better. The flight I could take, was sold out and me moving my treatment, would ruin a visit I have from my dad and stepmom in not to long. Also my boyfriend finally has some time off work and I dont want to be on my worst for that. It really sucks, a lot. I should keep writing, and stop neglecting my blog. Ive had a lot of ideas, stuff to write about. Whenever I sit and I open the tab, I close it and open sims instead. Not sure why, even though I have something ready in my head.
It's raining right now, I love the sound of it, it goes well with me crying. This sounds way to depressing, I'm better than it sounds like. I'm really suprised how strong I am, I used to be a wreck. It is sad to say, that I feel like Ive been trough worse emotionally than cancer and I know it will get better by time. Maybe it is because I'm older and stronger, or I just know myself better.
I almost feel like everyhting I have gone trough in the past, has made me ready for this day. I't is a good trait being able to reflect on everything that is happening, even though I cry every 10 mintues. No matter how sad I am, I always give myself a nice pep talk.
A selfportrait I took, for my MA project.
last thing, I have my scan coming up to see how the treatment has worked. They moved my treatment from tuseday to thursday. So on wednesday the day of the funural, I will find out the results. It can change my treatment, so that is why they moved it.
I have loads of good memories with him, and I think maybe ill keep them for myself for now. Until I'm more ready to talk about it. I know he was in a lot of pain and it's sad to say, but this is hopefully better for him.
Sadly, I wont be able to attend the funarel, something I feel like I need. He knows, and he didnt want me risking travling by airport, he wanted me to get better. The flight I could take, was sold out and me moving my treatment, would ruin a visit I have from my dad and stepmom in not to long. Also my boyfriend finally has some time off work and I dont want to be on my worst for that. It really sucks, a lot. I should keep writing, and stop neglecting my blog. Ive had a lot of ideas, stuff to write about. Whenever I sit and I open the tab, I close it and open sims instead. Not sure why, even though I have something ready in my head.
It's raining right now, I love the sound of it, it goes well with me crying. This sounds way to depressing, I'm better than it sounds like. I'm really suprised how strong I am, I used to be a wreck. It is sad to say, that I feel like Ive been trough worse emotionally than cancer and I know it will get better by time. Maybe it is because I'm older and stronger, or I just know myself better.
I almost feel like everyhting I have gone trough in the past, has made me ready for this day. I't is a good trait being able to reflect on everything that is happening, even though I cry every 10 mintues. No matter how sad I am, I always give myself a nice pep talk.
A selfportrait I took, for my MA project.
last thing, I have my scan coming up to see how the treatment has worked. They moved my treatment from tuseday to thursday. So on wednesday the day of the funural, I will find out the results. It can change my treatment, so that is why they moved it.
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