My first blog post

I need somewhere to just write down everything that is happening. I've had multiple people telling me that a good way of not going crazy, is writing down what you are thinking. Therefor I want to write this blog even if people read it or not. I guess some type of self help, a way for me to not bug everyone else about my life.

I recently found out I have cancer, and well it felt like my whole life was turned upside-down. I feel a bit "better" about it now and I'm trying very hard to figure out a few things. Because of course all my plans are a no go and I have to change a few things. So basically this will be my little place to get out whatever I'm thinking.

My diagnoses is Hodgkin's Lymphoma, stage 4b. This means that my cancer has progressed to the most advanced stage. Though it does not mean it cant be cured, just means more treatment with chemotherapy. The next 6 upcoming months will be hell, and I'm somewhat ready for it, one day I will look back at this day and hopefully I will be happy.

I also shaved my hair, some people say they do this to be in control. I did this because I really don't wanna have to deal with the mess of my hair going. 

I'm struggling to feel feminine at the moment, I really hate not having hair, but it could be worse. Since I'm not actually unhappy with it, just really wish I could keep it. I do know some people actually get to keep their hair, but it is such a small chance of that happening. Also my hair was really damaged, I guess it was for the best. Sucks that I have to wait 6 months for it to start growing again. 

Until next time, Helen.